Don’t learn this lesson the hard way, like I did

We all learn some lessons the hard way in life. I want to share with you one of mine, so hopefully you don’t have to make the same mistake. And if you already have, then you know how valuable of a lesson this is. 

I was just about to turn 22, just graduated from Penn State, and was madly in love with the person I was absolutely certain I would one day marry. 

I was so excited for a new chapter and the possibilities of a new beginning. Basically, I was ready to play grown up. 

After graduation, my boyfriend moved back to his home state to start a job as a project manager. I moved back to my hometown in Pennsylvania and was in the works of figuring out which schools I wanted to apply to to start my nursing degree. If you don’t know already, I decided to change career paths and wanted to do an accelerated BSN program. There was a program in my boyfriend’s town that was a lot cheaper than any of the tuitions near where I lived, so we decided that I would move down south to live together while he started his career and while I went back to school.

This was a tough decision for me, to move almost 8 hours away. I’m really close to my family and never considered that one day I might not live near them. I’ve never lived outside of Pennsylvania and I didn’t know anyone where I was moving, or in any of the surrounding states, except for my boyfriend and his family. 

I decided to just take a leap of faith. 

Long story short, less than a month after I moved down there we broke up. 

I was so devastated and mad about the breakup, and felt like a complete idiot for uprooting my life. Not only did I just lose the person I was so sure I’d spend my life with and was completely humiliated to tell my friends and family, but I also had a lot of decisions to make about what happens next. How could I trust myself to make any decisions when a decision I felt so confident about just days ago proved to be a mistake? In the heat of the moment, I permanently deleted all of the pictures I had of us on my phone, deleted all of our texts and his number, and threw all of the cards and letters he had written me in the trash. I was actually planning on burning them (I know), but I couldn’t find a lighter and I hate using matches. 

I’ve mentioned this before, but words are my love language. Those cards and what was written in them meant so much to me. Throwing them away was the ultimate way to express my pain and prove a point to him. 

Fortunately, my ever wise and loving mom was with me at the time and saw me throw them away. She secretly took them out of the trash and held onto them. She knew that regardless of what happened between my boyfriend and I, I would want to part with them differently. 

Here’s how this story ended: 

Years later, I ended up marrying this boyfriend. He’s now my loving husband, Michael. There were a lot of growing pains and obstacles— him deciding to join the Army and me coming to terms with it, me being in a demanding nursing program and him being gone for training and unreachable except mail for weeks on end, us learning how to communicate with one another because we’re completely different in that way, loved ones being concerned about our relationship because they saw our struggles, more miles and time apart, and just us being young kids trying to figure out who we are individually and how we fit together. But here we are today and in one month we’ll celebrate two years of marriage, this spring we’ll celebrate almost 8 years together, and this summer we’ll celebrate the birth of our first child. 

I think you know the lesson that I learned: don’t get rid of things that mean something to you in the heat of a moment. I’m so grateful my mom kept those cards for me, and when she finally gave them back to me I remember crying with relief. But I wish I still had those pictures of us when we were young and first in love, that’s a lesson I learned the hard way. 

I decided to become a lifestyle coach who helps women declutter their homes and lives because I know how emotional it can be to go through our things. I know how liberating and awakening it can feel, and I also know how difficult and painful it can be. I know that going through our spaces can bring up emotions and epiphanies that we didn’t realize we had or expected. Sometimes we’re shocked by the relationships we have with our things. Sometimes they remind us of better times, the worse times, or people we used to be or know. Sometimes just the physical process of clearing out our spaces causes this inexplainable shift in us. You don’t have to have closets or rooms filled from floor to ceiling to have clutter in your life, and I think sometimes that can be startling. 

So I hope after reading this you make a promise to yourself to never carelessly let go of anything important to you in the heat of the moment. Don’t get rid of something that’s an important part of your story for the sake of having more space, proving a point to yourself or someone else, or because it’s so emotionally charged you just don’t even want to deal with it. Let your emotions sink in and neutralize, let yourself go through the waves, and then come back to it and make your decision.

If you decide to keep it, I hope you do so lovingly and create a special place for it in your home. 

If you decide to part ways with it, I hope you do so gratefully for the role that it played in your life. 

Whether Michael and I ended up together or not, those cards symbolized a great love in my life. Had it been the time to really close that chapter, I would’ve wanted to part with them feeling at peace. I ended up living by myself in North Carolina for 9 months, and even though it was one of the hardest periods of my life, wow did I grow and learn a lot about myself. Those cards are a symbol that I could live life really fully, and experience heartbreak, and still be ok. I think taking that leap of faith gave me the courage to take the next leap of faith, and the next one, and the next one. One of them being changing careers again and deciding to become a coach and start my own business, so thank you for being here and reading my story. 

When you’re going through your things and you start to feel emotional, just remember that you are a being here on earth, having a human experience, and that in itself is beautiful. Any stories that you uncover are part of your unique journey, and you can hold onto the things that have value to you while also starting a new chapter, anytime you want. 

And just so you know, if you’ve ever written me a long handwritten card or letter, I promise you I still have it. I hold onto them because they mean a lot to me, and I know one day when life is really slowing down, I’ll be so happy to read them.